Unexpected life changes – death of a parent

My mum passed away nearly 8 years ago, when I was just 28.  My life changed forever…

Nothing can prepare you for the death of a parent.  My grandad died two years before mum, which was the first close family death I had experienced, but common sense helped me to digest his death; he was old, had been unwell for a while, he had lived a wonderful & full life.  With mum none of this seemed to apply

My mum was unwell for a very, very short period of time.  We had little time to prepare ourselves, or her, for what was happening.  We had to deal with unknown health issues immediately, as we were told about them at her hopsital bedside

I literally felt like my heart was breaking; it was a physical pain – a nonstop sickening feeling that did not go away, not for one minute, day or night; my heart actually ached.  My mum was my one constant person throughout my life & now she had gone…I did not know how to feel or how to make the hurt go away

My stepdad, brother & myself planned her funeral, along with help from close family members.  We dealt with all her financial & legal obligations.  This kept us busy & took our minds off thinking about the fact that we would never see mum again & I actually think the practical process helped me

I was extremely lucky that my work was unbelievably supportive throughout this time.  As soon as we found out that mum was unwell, I finished work & did not go back until a month after her death.  My boss at the time had been through a similar situation with both of her parents so knew that work issues needed to be the last thing on my mind.  I was lucky that I did not have to worry about money as I was still being paid…I cannot image how people deal with similar situations while still having to go into work – I would have been no use to anyone

My mum has missed out on so many special things – my brothers wedding, my twin boys being born, special birthdays & anniversaries – but the times I miss her the most are on the days when I would just ring her to say hi, days when I would pop in for a cuppa & a chat, days when I try to remember something about my childhood that she would know in an instance, & she is not there to ask…

I don’t think it gets any easier, but it isn’t as hard now & the physical heartbreak isn’t there constantly, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish she were here for me to just be my mum…

 

 

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