Unexpected Life changes – Breakdown of a relationship

The breakdown of a relationship is never easy. There is so much to contend with from family to practical matters such as living arrangements, through to the obvious emotional side of things.

Everyone has felt like they have had their heart broken at least once I am sure, my story was awful at the time, but was the best thing that ever happened to me!

So I was 20, and thought I could take on the world, there was a guy at work, whom I thought was cute and it turned out he liked me too, but he was seeing another girl, anyway they finished and we got together, but we tried to keep it quiet for a while. Within a few moths his flat mate had moved out so we decided that I should move in with him “unofficially” to start with. Quickly his lease was up so we needed to make a decision about what to do and we decided to rent a flat together. We literally had no furniture a few old pots and pans and kitchen bits. We went to an auction and got a table and chairs, TV and TV stand. Mum and dad brought us a bed and a friend at work sold us his old sofa for £50! We had nothing but it was a fun adventure.

Everyone at work knew by now, it wasn’t exactly welcomed but we didn’t really see each other during the day so it was fine. Life plodded along for a while but quickly I decided renting was a waste of money – and I hate to waste money, so I subtly started leaving the local paper open at the property section. Before long the “hints” were so unsubtle he had to take them seriously and so the house hunt began. Just before we went to see our first house we went for lunch with his family and it was there that he proposed to me! We had been together for over year and at that age that seemed like forever and as we were buying a house together I mean why wouldn’t it work out right? So diamond on finger we went to view terrace house after terrace house until we found the one!

We moved in and started a bit of DIY. He was useless I was worse but thankfully my dad is a legend so he came round and demolished ceilings and painted walls for us! Things moved along and before I knew it we have been together 5 years when suddenly we came back from holiday and I said “I’m not happy.” Things were beyond vanilla we were hardly even friends let alone anything more. We decided to give each other some space, I went back to mum’s and started to go out with my friends again and have a great time. But I missed being in a relationship (now I know I missed that more than I actually missed him!) So within a couple of months we got back together and decided to plan our wedding!

Venue hunting was great fun, dress shopping even more fun. Weekends were filled with planning and wedding fares. I loved it. So we booked the venue, I found my dress and on a bank holiday weekend myself my mum, his mum, his sister and my best friend went bridesmaid dress shopping. We stopped for lunch it was all going so well, I had such a great weekend. Everything was normal no problems and then I went to work on the Tuesday (we no longer worked together). I phoned at lunchtime and said I was still planning on going out tonight was everything OK and he said Oh OK I need to speak to you, and I said “you aren’t going to be there when I get home are you?” and he said “no”.

After more than 7 years together that was the end of our relationship! I still don’t really know why. I know I was so upset for about a week, I was then very angry throwing CD’s and photo frames (it made me feel better for a little while!) but then within a couple of weeks it felt like the right thing! He came round to collect his stuff and moved in with a friend (male) he said if he didn’t marry me he would never marry anyone (don’t think he’s married to this day?) We cancelled the venue and dress. I brought him out of the house and it took quite a while of us having to communicate to tie up the loose ends, but then after about 9 months I literally never saw him. There were a few incidence in the beginning where we would see each other in the same pub or in the supermarket but he always scuttled off. We also went to a friend’s wedding and saw each other but we purposefully avoided each other.

So we now have mutual friends whom we both see, but we never see each other, I literally have not set eyes on him, even though he still lives in the same town as me for about 7 years. My husband and I got together 2 months after and I have never looked back for a single second! I couldn’t see whilst I was in the relationship how wrong it was and how it changed me, but once it was over everyone told me! I came out of it a lot stronger and determined that I was never going to be a doormat again settling for something that wasn’t right, and I haven’t. I changed jobs and got into a career I love, I moved home and we brought a bigger and better house. We got married and I had the best wedding ever (I know I am biased but I literally wouldn’t change a single thing!) We have the most beautiful daughter (I know biased again!) and another one on the way. We may not be rich but I am certainly happy! My husband makes me laugh, we hardly ever fight – even though he drives me crazy! We have a fabulous relationship and I wouldn’t swap him for the world (just don’t tell him that I like to keep him on his toes!)

So why do I feel the need to tell you this, well in my life, this unexpected (completely out of the blue) breakdown of a relationship which felt like the end of the world, turned out to be the making of me. Everything in my life turned around for the better. Yes it was hard still having to see him and communicate with him and sort out the financial side of everything, but I came out of it, wiser and more determined. I appreciate I didn’t have children with this guy – which obviously would have added a whole layer of complexity to the situation! But the moral of my story is no matter how bad it seems there is a reason for it and you can get through it. You never know it might even turn out better! You can’t plan for every situation, but you can make the best of it!

 

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