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- It’s all about you…
Triplets…are they IVF?
BLOG UPDATE – I didnt want to take this blog down as it was written at a time when our lives really were filled with a lot of attention and comments. It was written in a moment of anger and upset but represented how I felt that day and many more.
My triplets are 5 now and as we dont and never really have dressed them the same, people dont even realise they are triplets anymore so the comments are less.
I love my life, feel like the luckiest person alive to have my five beautiful children and watch in amazement everyday at the bond all 5 share.
If you read my blog please read it with a pinch of salt!
Having triplets is one of the most wonderful experiences I think that you can have. It isn’t something that everyone gets to experience and the dynamics between three children all born at the same time, doing everything together fascinates me. I think I am especially lucky as I have two older daughters who I got to enjoy one at a time and when I think about the fact that I now have 5 very beautiful, kind and caring children (most of the time) it really makes me feel very lucky indeed.
However there is one big downside to having triplets and that is YOU…Ok, so maybe not you personally but Joe Public, the lady in the corner shop, the friend of a friend, the man walking down the road, the 25 people in Sainsburys, the lady at the school gate, the nurse in A&E and the other mum who I met for the first time at a kids party at the weekend.
Some of you just say really stupid things, and actually that’s ok – we still dine out on the lady who asked me if they would all be one on their first birthday! I can’t help but be amused by ‘three twins’ and asking me if they are all identical (I have two very different girls and one boy) is also pretty amusing! Stupid but amusing!
However, take note – those of you who feel it is OK to unburden your own feelings towards the thought of having three of your own child on me – they are not three of your children they are three of mine. My children are polite and well behaved and I LOVE THEM! I do not want to hear that you would commit suicide, die or be horrified if you had triplets – that may be the case but it isn’t the case for me. Nor do I want to hear ‘OMG are they triplets?! – how horrendous!’ or ‘triplets! couldn’t think of anything worse’ – Really? Could you really not think of anything worse?
If you don’t have anything nice to say please don’t say anything at all
If you actually stop and think about what you’re saying to me is it ok?
For one, you are saying it in front of my children who can hear you! And I am a person with feelings too. If you think about what I was doing when you said it, minding my own business and avoiding eye contact with you, and you made an effort to come over to me especially to insult not me but MY CHILDREN!! ?
My 7 year old is so used to your stupid comments now that when you walk away she now says ‘mummy there are so many nasty people’ and rolls her eyes. Did your own mothers really NOT tell you that if you can’t say anything nice not to say anything at all?
One lady, who is actually a mum herself reacted to the news that I have triplets by physically retching and then holding her stomach and telling me that it had made her feel physically sick! Days later I am still trying to get my head around how it was ok for her to do that? Does she not understand that her very stupid, very childish reaction to my children was actually very hurtful!
Would you on a normal day walk around Tesco displaying a box of condoms on the top of your trolley for all to see?
BUT in-spite of all of that, the thing that YOU are most guilty of and the thing that ruins my day more than any other is asked by those of you who skipped past the whole ‘if you cant say anything nice don’t say anything at all’ part and just moved right onto asking personal questions to a stranger????
It happens everytime I leave the house with my triplets, I can see you coming. I cringe on your behalf and although you come in many disguises, I can spot you a mile off! I’m standing in a silent queue of 10 people in the post office, you tap me on the shoulder and here it comes “triplets? … are they IVF?”
Seriously – you have just asked me how my children were conceived!! You don’t know me, I don’t know you, you haven’t asked me my name or if they are even my children, you haven’t introduced yourself, shook my hand, your not a friend or member of my family – instead of answering that very personal question, how would you feel if I asked you how your children were conceived? “missionary position?”
Would you on a normal day walk around Tesco displaying a box of condoms on the top of your trolley for all to see? announcing to the queue, just these condoms and some bananas please… Or would you hide them under your shopping along with your tampax and thrush cream because you do not want complete strangers to know your personal life?
SO why then do you think that I would want to share that information with YOU. IT IS NOT ok for you to ask me a very personal question LET ALONE about my children IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN?
Because of YOU at the age of 5, I had to explain to my daughter who knew nothing about the birds and the bees what IVF was, because of you I have had to do the same with my 4 year old, because of you my triplets will also be having that subject explained to them before they have to!! Because of you I don’t like going out on days where I am in a rush, because of you sometimes I don’t go out and because of you I avoid the dreaded queue where you can get my undivided attention and I cant escape!
For the record, I love my children, all of them the same including the triplets. I dont forget their names, get them mixed up or split my love 5 ways! I have 5 times as much love to give. I would not change my life for the world, I know parents whose one child is harder work than my five put together. Yes it is harder to get out sometimes, maybe you could offer a hand rather than staring and talking about me behind my back? My triplets slept through the night at 11 weeks old, how old were your children? I work, I do normal things, we have already taken three holidays since they were born and we are going on two more this year – having triplets is like winning the lottery!
Although it goes against my upbringing and an inner need to respect others, respect their privacy and be polite I have decided that from today on, if you insult me, or ask me a personal question I am going to tell you that you have insulted me and point out that the question you just asked was inappropriate -I hope that you wont be offended.
So unless you are coming over to me to tell me how lucky I am, how beautiful my children are or to ask the time, please don’t bother and IF YOU HAVEN’T GOT ANYTHING NICE TO SAY PLEASE DONT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
Please pass this blog onto everyone you know, and everyone I know! not because I want you to read my blog but because I want to be able to leave my house and return with my dignity in tact!
Following the success of this blog we are currently working on a campaign to show the world how beautiful all of our children are.
No matter how many children you have, if you have ever had a hurtful comment and would like to show the world (or the Mojomum world at least) how beautiful your children are and are happy for your picture to feature in our campaign, for more details view the campaign here