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Confession …………

It’s been two years since my last confession ……….

 

This is literally how it feel’s as I haven’t written anything on this blog since February 2014.

 

A bit of a recap for you …. I have always been a yo-yo dieter but my weight in 2013 was just disgusting and I was convinced this was my time to do something about it.

 

I started the weight loss journey and I was so convinced this was going to be my time to get slim that I felt doing the blog on Mojomums was a brilliant idea!  I lost a stone and a half and then it just went pear shaped and I haven’t posted anything in 2 years.   All of that weight has gone back on and I am 100% still ‘Fat Cow on a Mission’

 

Without going into any details we had some personal issues, and whilst we all had our health, we had things happen in our family that were life changing and I found difficult to deal with (still do if I am honest!) so I well and truly took my solace in food to make me ‘feel better’, knowing each time I munched into that doughnut, McDonalds, takeaway, chocolate, wine etc… that actually all it was really doing was making me feel worse in the long term.

 

I still continued with my constant ‘I must lose weight/I can do this/I don’t want to be fat anymore’ but nothing changes.  There are always excuses I can make and part of that is finding it difficult to always make it to my slimming club because it’s hit and miss as to whether hubby can be home to keep an eye on the kids and as soon as we get to that week that he can’t get home then I have a pathetic immature meltdown blaming everything around me for me being fat.

 

This has to change and I need to take responsibility and get on with this weight loss thing, regardless of what obstacles are thrown my way.

 

So two weeks ago, I rejoined Slimming World and my lovely consultant Hollie welcomed me back with a smile on her face as though I had never been away.

 

The first week was a tad difficult, especially as it was half term, which wasn’t the greatest time to join and I spent the week wondering if I was just in it with half a heart again.   UNTIL SUNDAY HAPPENED …………   my 11 year old daughter wanted to go into town …she begged me to go and I managed to talk my husband into taking her.  My reasons for not wanting to go were because I was worried about bumping into someone I hadn’t seen for a long time and knowing they would look at me thinking ‘gosh hasn’t she put on a lot of weight/gosh hasn’t she let herself go downhill’.

 

The realisation of admitting to myself this was my reason for not wanting to out with my beautiful daughter for some mother and daughter time really hit me!  I cannot let myself feel so bad about myself any longer that it affects fun times I can have with my kids.

 

Okay… it is only Thursday now but since Sunday I have been SO good & SO motivated and I have to complete this blog ending it with a positive story and where I want to be.  I have to stop blaming my husband if he isn’t home on time for me to go group, or even my kids when they drive my crazy and I want to tuck into chocolate or wine to make me feel better (I have been led to believe this is a common motherhood trait and am not alone on this!). I will keep you posted on my progress!  If you notice my blogging goes stale again, feel free to comment to give me a hard time!

 

Maybe when I feel less embarrassed I’ll tell you how much I weigh, but in the meantime just know I am not healthy and I have about 4-5 stone to lose!

 

Wish me luck in my journey ……….

2 Responses to Confession …………

  1. Margaret Miles Bramwell says:

    How wonderful and brave and honest you are. You are already an inspiration to hundreds of people. Thank you for giving Slimming World the chance to share your problem and to give you that support and motivation that we all need. I know that together we really can make those dreams come true. Good luck, God bless, and please know we are here for you.

  2. Michelle Reidy says:

    Ahh bless you, i know that feeling too well. You have done the most amazing thing by taking that massive jump. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Take every step in your stride and always take time out for yourself.

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