More About Holly

Growing up, I always pictured myself having a career, taking a career break for a number of years to be with the children, and once having seen them into school, returning to work to do something for myself again, and build my career.

How my feelings changed after having my first son.

On my last day in the office at a bustling and fast paced PR agency, I was ready and excited to embrace motherhood and begin the next chapter of my work- free life.  Having spent the last 8 years working long anti-social hours, feeling stressed over the next looming deadline and commuting into London using unreliable, overcrowded public transport, I was ready to sit back, relax and be a mum.  Little did I know, or understand how my life was to change.

After 6 weeks maternity leave, 2 weeks overdue, and a traumatic labour, Xander finally made his appearance into the big wide world and our lives changed forever.  I knew babies needed feeding in the night and settling in the day and often cried, but I hadn’t given any thought to how it would make me feel being constantly overtired, nor contemplated things not going according to plan.  No one can really prepare you for motherhood.

I love Xander more than I thought I could ever love anyone, yet he is the one (very little) person in my life that made be question myself, shed tears and leave me feeling more exhausted than ever before.  After 9 wonderful months of maternity leave, I took Xander to meet my old colleagues and have the chat with my boss over what would happen as my maternity leave drew to a close.

I hadn’t really given it much thought until now as I assumed that I wouldn’t be returning, however walking into the office and seeing the hive of activity that was happening, I started to think about how my life had changed and question whether being a stay-at-home mum was for me.

Then came the feelings of guilt.

For a number of days and weeks after this initial chat my feelings in wanting to return to work started to grow stronger, but did that make me a bad mum? Although I regularly went out for coffee with my other mummy friends, and started play dates once they were more mobile, I DESPERATELY craved adult conversation that WASN’T just about babies.

I made the decision to request returning for 3 full days, however, after several discussions, form filling and emails back and forth I handed in my notice and my quest for a part-time job began.

I very quickly realised that part-time jobs were few and far between and as the weeks ticked by my longing to return to work grew stronger and longer, and I really felt that my Mojo and sparkle was rapidly leaving me.

Fortunately for me, I stumbled across Mojomums, and it was a breath of fresh air to speak to other likeminded women.  After only the first meeting the build-up of guilt that I had been experiencing almost vanished. I realised I was not alone.

After almost a year with the Mojomums team, I am  I am due to take maternity leave again, and this time am truly excited for the next stage of my life and for returning to work at some point in the not too distant future.